Sam, a law firm associate, was stressed. A huge deal had just closed, and although no one said a word to him, Sam suspected his supervisors were disappointed with his work. Much of his work product had disappeared from the final version, without anyone telling him. Sam had not seen or crossed paths with Kelly, the team’s leader, in some weeks.
Now Sam needed more billable work, and his first instinct was to avoid Kelly. Sam reasoned that he deserved feedback and hadn’t gotten it, so he should try to work with others who were more likely to give it to him.
I see this unfortunate situation all the time: someone does not get the feedback they need and is instead met with a silence that leaves them either ruminating about possible problems, or else being blissfully clueless and repeating their mistakes. Not only is it alienating to the person in need of help; it can create a backlash against working with supervisors who can’t be bothered to help others advance.
There are multiple reasons supervisors don’t give feedback: not knowing how, feeling too time-constrained, wanting to avoid difficult conversations; I explored those reasons in a prior Fully Human Lawyer™ column. Having come to appreciate how crucial meaningful feedback is as a way to attract and retain top talent, many law firms and other organizations now offer management training or coaching to teach feedback-giving skills.
But giving feedback is one skill. Receiving it well is another.
The latter is a skill worth cultivating—for anyone, not just law firm associates.
The Skills Needed to Get Meaningful Feedback
Learning to ask for and to welcome feedback is not just a one-off act—it can be a career game-changer. People who welcome feedback usually find that it leads to organic mentoring and deepens professional relationships. Make it known that you are worthy of correction, that you will listen to advice without defensiveness and that you will reward the effort and time a supervisor has invested in you.
How?
- Ask for specific feedback. Avoid generic questions like, “How did I do on X project?” or “Can I have feedback?” Besides shifting all the burden to the other person, the likely response will be generic and thus of no real value; while “great job!” may feel nice to hear, it will not help you hone complex professional skills.
Instead, mine for specifics: “What’s the most important thing I could do differently next time?” or “What’s one thing I can do better/one strength I can leverage?” Get examples to make sure you understand fully; in my experience, people too often skip this step. For each example, think through—or better yet, ask—what you should have done, as opposed to what you did.
- Open the door. Make having the conversation as easy as possible for the other person (e.g., “I felt like the argument in court went well, but I was less sure about our post-hearing meeting with the client. What did you think?”). Aim to make this kind of encounter a feature of your work. Invite others to share their perspective regularly. As every rainmaker knows, it’s not just supervisors who appreciate this; clients do also.
While opening the door is always important, it’s especially so if you might have made a mistake (all of us do). I’ve worked with many lawyers whose instinct is to act like an ostrich and hope the problem remains undiscovered and goes away. Don’t do that. It is always better to reach out proactively. Not only will you learn to improve, but you will cultivate goodwill.
- Respond neutrally. When you receive the feedback, avoid sounding fragile (“oh, I’m just terrible at this”). That will unwittingly convert your supervisor into your caregiver and will turn them off. Also, do not downplay the importance of what you have just learned; doing that will telegraph that you are not worth your mentor’s investment.
Avoid being dismissive of advice by focusing only on your intention (“What I was trying to do was….”) and tuning out what you have just been told. While it’s human nature to want to explain ourselves, your explanation often matters a lot more to you than it does to others. What usually matters to others is the impact, not the intention, of our actions.
- Always say Thank You. All feedback is a gift. Acknowledge that the other person is giving you this gift – of their time, their experience and often, their comfort level. No matter what you think of the substance of the feedback, realize that the person who offered it has thought through your performance with care in trying to help you.
How can you show you are someone worthy of their investment?
- Shut up and listen. Just listen when getting feedback—and take notes. Avoid interrupting—do not jump in to make your case. If there is a misunderstanding of fact (which is not uncommon), you can explain that, but either raise that gently only after the person is done talking or else save it for a follow-up conversation.
- Follow up. Say you will follow up (usually days or a few weeks later)—and do so. This is especially important if you felt emotional and need time to process what was said. Most people will understand.
- Fix it if you can. If you messed up—and we all do sometimes—ask what you can do, or who you should talk to, to make amends or remedy the situation. People appreciate this and often extend tremendous goodwill to people who are willing to acknowledge their errors, to be vulnerable, to learn from their mistakes, and to apologize when appropriate.
Sam eventually reached out to Kelly and said he suspected he hadn’t delivered what was needed on his last assignment. He asked Kelly if she would consider taking the time to clarify where his work had taken a wrong turn. Kelly had a long list to share: not flagging and fixing conflicting provisions, not clearly defining certain terms, etc. Sam took notes and thanked Kelly for her candor. He asked if he could check back in two weeks.
Kelly ended up asking Sam to work on an upcoming transaction. Sam now makes a point of checking his work for all the errors Kelly had pointed out to him before submitting it. I’m not sure who is more pleased with this outcome: Sam or Kelly. Or their firm.
Be someone worth investing in; your efforts will have a high ROI. It can be a career game-changer.
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Reprinted with permission from The American Lawyer. © 2022 ALM Media Properties, LLC.
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